Busy...busy....busy...

I did not have time to do yesterdays post. I have too much work to do on my sites and today it will probably be the same. In a month or so things in the online advertising world will pick up all the way and I will need to be back to at least 6 hours per day working on them, I had gotten a break for the summer but now it's time to get back to work and bring some extra income home for the family.

I have been so busy I haven't even talked to BF since Saturday when he left. Sometimes we chat online or we email back and forth almost daily but I haven't even opened my yahoo this week either. It's a bit peaceful with him gone, and I guess when I get so busy I kind of forget about him. This is really good news, it's certainly much better that when I first met him 4 years ago. When he used to leave I used to spend the entire time all stressed out about where he was or who he was with and it was killing me. Now I don't know why I even worried about it so much, I know where he is, and I know he'll call soon and that he's going to come back. I have had to learn to trust him and it's helped me be at peace.... and accept the situation.

 Like I tell my girls all the time, a man who is going to cheat is going to cheat even if you are watching his every move. Trust is the key, you have to trust your man, and let him go and do what he has to do whether it's work or play or even spending time with their kids and the kids Moms, and whatever will happen will happen. If your man loves you he will be faithful and he will respect your relationship and not cross the lines, it doesn't help to stalk them the entire time and maybe even help drive them to cheating.

So I am at peace, just trying to get enough "me time" to update my blog and get all my work done too. Maybe tonight I can write the dreaded "change" post, last night I tried to do it, I sat here and began the same paragraph like 20 times and gave up and went to bed. It was past midnight, 95 degrees and my brain was out of energy. So tonight I will try again and see if I can come up with anything co-coherent. 

For now I have to go and follow the wonderful ladies that came by from yesterdays hop. If you're a new follower please leave me a comment and I will get back to your blog... have a wonderful day full!

You Inspire Me

Jeannette of A Hippo with a Headband is truly an inspiration, last week while doing my blog hopping I came across her blog and what I read there made me rethink everything that I am doing or rather not doing with my life and myself. I saw the courage and the strength that I have been lacking in this beautiful lady and this made me ask myself why I had to compromise and accept things as they are, it made me realize that I have to change.
If I don't change the things about me that are keeping me from loving myself then no one is going to be able to love me back. My relationship is hanging by a string and my whole family suffers because of my insecurities and it's time to put up or shut the fuck up... :)
Tomorrow I am going to work on a post about the things I have to change about me, I wanted to do it tonight but the truth is it's a bit scary. Those things are the ones that creep into my mind through out the day but then I push them away and refuse to aknwledge them as if by ignoring them they will go away. So I will have to take this slowly and maybe then I can have the same strength Jeannette has and really write the truth about me.

S.O.S. where is the Romance??

Okay so like I have stated before, I love my BF. He is a great guy, he is oh so patient and he is not bad to look at either, well at least to me. And that is very important in a relationship, you have to like and be attracted to your guy or it just won’t work. So I do like him and I think I am attracted, so what is it that is keeping the real romance away?

Actually I'm full of B.S. (among other things), I really am because I know exactly what it is that is keeping any kind of contact away. It’s my weight and the fact that I feel so uncomfortable with myself that I can’t let him touch me…. at least not often.

When I met him I was at my regular weight which was a bit higher than I had ever been but I was comfortable with it, I weighed about 150lbs and wore a size 12. So I certainly wasn’t skinny but I looked great, wore clothes I loved and that looked good on me and I felt pretty hot most of the time.

Fast forward to 4 ½ years later… I weigh as much as he does, 185 lbs!!

Now I wear a size 15 and have an extra person living in the middle of my stomach… I think it might be a twin that wasn’t born all the way but stayed stuck to my mid section instead. So this twin/roll is always there kid of lurking behind my tops and over my pants but the worst thing of all, even worse than the big arms and big tummy is the face. I have two chins now and sometimes when I make a certain face I even have three of them! It’s like my original chin decided to invite friends over for dinner and they don’t want to leave.

So what do I do to make this situation better and to get back to being my old happy and confident self? Nothing, absolutely nothing at all, because I must be some kind of masochist or something and I must enjoy living like a bloated doll that can never wear cute clothes or feel nice next to her man… somebody please slap some sense into me or just slap me for reals… maybe that will wake me the hell up!

Tomorrow he leaves for 2 weeks :(

Why do you leave us??

So A.B. my bf travels to Mexico one week a month and when he goes it is both great and difficult for me. It's like when he's here I am almost sick of him and can't wait till he leaves again. But then when it's time for him to go I wish that he wouldn't go and I begin to miss him before he's even gone. 

Tomorrow morning he leaves, since he's not been there in almost a month he'll probably be gone for two whole weeks and those two weeks are going to be an absolute eternity for me. I will get more work done and  so I might make a bit more money since I will be able to be online with less interruptions, but I love those interruptions!!! Going out to eat, going out for coffee or simply putting the laptop down for a few hours to spend some us time. No more of that for two weeks..... 

   

I love it when....

• I love it when people ask you, "So how many daughters do you have?" and you say.... "un monton", which means, a whole lot of them.
• I love it when the girls need to be picked up at midnight and you're the one that gets up and drives to go get them with out even waking me up.
• I love the fact that you don't hate me for never cooking you a meal in the whole time we have been together.
• I love that though my mom is so mean and nasty to you, you still take her to all of her appointments and errands without running over her in the process.
• I love that we automatically hold hands and walk together when we are out and that it's still comfortable.
• I love that you have accepted my (4) girls and have never raised your voice at them.
• I love that when I feel the most lonesome and afraid I remember that I have you and I feel better.

My blog is participating in it's first blog hops. I know it's very new for now but still I welcome you and look forward to being able to share pieces of my life with you and to getting to know you all as well. Thanks for stopping by :)

Intro.....

My name is Maria and I have 5 daughters who are the center of my life, which is pretty much concentrated on taking care of them and working online 14 hours per day. I have two blogs that I work on with my 5 girls but I realized that I wanted one of my own where I would be able to share things and write things that I can't have them reading or that are too mature for them to understand. This blog is my baby and the place where I will be able to live apart from them for just a little while. 

This is also where I can talk about my BF and about what we go through, we have been together almost 5 years and though sometimes we may get in an argument about this or that we stick through it in the end. He's been my rock when I needed one and he's been my friend when I had to leave my hometown and all my friends and family behind. We've gone through a lot of lows and are looking forward to the highs one day. 

This blog is about him and I and the love we share and how even with 5 kids, 3 grandkids AND a grandmother living with us, we can still have a love affair with each other..... even if it always has to be after dark.